What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 23:57
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why is it so hard to date nowadays?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ive learnt so much.
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What was your first experience like with a black man?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot live in the past .
Why is there so much free porn on the internet?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was seconnd youngest,
Why does a narcissist act like it's nothing when they hurt you?
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What does success really mean to you? Is it about happiness, money, or something else?
But, we were locked up after school.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What's it like to have an IQ of 140 to 170? Do people notice you're different?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why is digital marketing important?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
How do women feel when they are in love?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Would this be the day?
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My family never makes their pension either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He resisted the act ,that day.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i lived it daily.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I have no regrets .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why did i forgive my father ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I write beautiful poetry .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it wasn’t much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
So whats the point in blame.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What did i know ?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She married twice! .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was very sick at this time too.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She loved him until the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
Who then, do I blame.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
All the time i was locked up.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She found it foreign!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was in good health!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I know ,a lot about trauma.